These past weeks have been a culmination of magic and monotony, community and loneliness. Having a baby has forced me to slow down in a season that would otherwise be taken over by a “more” mentality. More parties, more fundraisers, more hours for more pay, more traditions, the list goes on and on. 

While my coworkers have been amping up for our big annual fundraiser Gala, I’ve been confined to our blue sofa, making googly eyes at a newborn. 

While my husband works twice as hard to make sure our financial needs are being met during this season when I’m not working, I am binge watching Netflix and Disney+. 

I feel as though I am in a glass bowl, watching the world around me operate at full speed, while my own life is rolling in slow motion. I’m inexplicably grateful for our friends and family who have managed to love on us through visits, texts, meals, and extended hands in the midst of their already busy lives. But I wish I could hit the slow down button on the lives around me, so we could all be in this place together.

Loneliness is a real beast for moms of newborns. But it hasn’t been completely fruitless. It has allowed me to observe the craziness of the holiday season I was always way too intimately a part of to see objectively. I say I’m an advocate of being present to the moment, to slow and intentional living, but I’m not so certain my life has been a very true reflection of that in years past. 

Slowing down is not our natural tendency as humans. I thought it was, which is why I was so excited to have River so close to the holidays. I figured life would be slowing down for everyone, so I would be in good company while I recovered from my c-section and adjusted to this new life with two kids. Instead, I see the frenzy of holiday plans, cramming in last minute annual goals we never got around to, volunteering for charities, shopping for gifts and feasts and party decorations and new winter boots...and lots and lots of coffee.

We are biologically wired to crave activity and busyness.

So how on earth can we be expected to put a pause on all these seemingly worthwhile endeavors in the name of slowing down and enjoying the season? Maybe for some, it’s putting a cap on how many Christmas parties to attend. Or saying instead of hosting our own, let’s just have a simple, thoughtful game night with family. Maybe it’s pairing down on Christmas gifts, and recognizing where our efforts will be most effective this time of year. 

Maybe you’re like me, and your brain is constantly exploding with ideas for new family traditions and ways to enjoy the time until your calendar is so crammed with Advent crafts and baking and Christmas tree farms and hand crafted turkey decorations at each table setting, that you missed the real moments of magic—the people you are sharing it with. 

This forced time of slowing down has been a challenge, if I’m being honest. Just ask my husband—he’ll tell you how stir crazy I can go with just one day of solitude and a complete lack of productivity. We are biologically wired to crave activity and busyness. We love the sound of marking another item off the list. We are perpetual overcommiters, so much so that we don’t know what to do with ourselves when we actually have some downtime. But if we aren’t careful, we will miss it all amidst gatherings and party favors. 

Maybe we can all find small ways this year of ensuring we don’t miss out on the real beauty. Maybe we can force ourselves to slow down enough to see what’s in front of us a little more clearly.