I have had a dry spell these past weeks. Let’s be real, it’s been months. I feel a little empty, like a rung out dish rag. Even as I am sitting here typing, I keep typing and erasing because nothing seems to be the right thing to say. Things feel a little stagnant, unmoving. The truth is, we are the edge of all the things. It’s the uncertainty that has me out of sorts. 

578 Days.

This is how many days we have been waiting for our adoption date for our Little Lion Man. 

There have been so many ups and down in this process. It’s easy to lose sight of our “prize” when the race becomes longer than we hoped and we get weary running it. We get to the place where we would sooner throw in the towel than soldier on, which we would never do in this situation. We are just ready, ready for the next thing. 

I just wanted to offer up some encouragement if any one else finds themselves still stuck in the soldiering on phase. We are weeks away from our light at the end of the tunnel. It feels surreal and I keep trying to picture what life will look like once we have our boy “officially” ours. I say “officially” because he has had our hearts from day one. Our life has been a series of CPS, agency, doctor and family visits. It’s all very mundane and honestly, we are ready just to be our family and live some life with out having to ask permission for everything. I guess I can’t offer much encouragement other than to say, I’m feeling the feels you are feeling. 

I’ve been having a lot of dreams about breathing under water. They say that this represents being overwhelmed by negative thoughts, emotions, or uncertainty while remaining calm or confident. I’m not so sure about the remaining clam part, but yes to the rest!! 

So, how do you deal? How do we try to keep things moving when life feels like a tire in a rut? Uncertainty is my arch nemesis. It’s my fatal flaw, if I were a super hero, it would be my kryptonite. 

This song has come to mind many times over the last few weeks, it’s been my mantra. 

His Eye is on the Sparrow — 

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;

I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

I hope that this brings you some comfort as it has me. Hopefully the next time I write to you, it will be of the celebration and a picture of our finalization of Our Little Lion Man becoming a forever member of our family.