Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit , but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.*

As a lover of big gestures and gifts, I have this tendency to equate God’s satisfaction with me to the lavishness of his blessings in any particular season. It bodes particularly well when I’m in a season of yeses. When money is temporarily not a stressor. When I’ve sat under a dozen consecutive sunny days and my marriage is strong and the boys are sleeping well at night. It feels holy of me, I think to myself, to reflect on the goodness of God when so many forget him when life is good. And surely truth can be found in God’s desire to shower his children with gifts. If I find joy in blessing my own kids, how much more does the father love to give to his children?

The problem only arises when this ideology gets flipped on its head. When I’ve forgotten what the sunshine feels like on my skin and the boys are waking me up all hours of the night. When my tired eyes struggle to find patience with my husband and with myself and when the bank account feels dismally low and depressing. When I put my words and my art out and no one sees or appears to care, and I feel small and wildly insignificant. How then does my theory of God hold up in these moments? If His grandiose expression of love is the way in which He chooses to speak, is His silence then indicative of his displeasure? When the protective covering of His grace seems to have fallen off like a blanket and life feels unusually grim, how then am I supposed to feel safe and desired?

It’s that gentle reminder that no matter how many stormy days have kept us cooped up, the sun is still up there somewhere, shining above the clouds. 

If we know that God is good and kind and loving regardless of life’s circumstances that get thrown our way, then what do we make of His response in the times when His grace appears more evident and freely available to those around us? I don’t think it means that we stop finding him in seasons of favor. I think it simply means that God chooses to display His love in endless ways. And some days that expression feels vibrant and over the top —we are made to feel invincible and impossibly free— and other days it’s a quiet, steady love. One we have to search a little harder to spot or even wait for. It’s that gentle reminder that no matter how many stormy days have kept us cooped up, the sun is still up there somewhere, shining above the clouds. 

Certainly, I want to live a life chasing the big expressions of God’s handiwork. I want to count my blessings every day and never come up short. But that’s not where the real growth takes place, is it? Perhaps if I could be assured that taking Cyrus to the ice cream shop every day and never saying no to whatever his little imagination can muster would ensure the growth of a healthy, godly young man, the answer would be easy. But unfortunately it takes lots of vegetables and skinned up knees and teary-eyes and “no’s” or “not right nows” to build a human un-entitled and empathetic to the world’s needs.

So when God’s loves grows seemingly quiet, I hope I can still find flecks of sunlight breaking through. I hope I don’t become tempted to doubt His favor or His kindness because we didn’t get our big break. His love is one that cannot be measured or assessed, only one that can be assured regardless of the volume in which it is expressed. 

If you find yourself in a favorable season, I hope you stay sensitive to the needs of those around you. I hope you remember the source of your blessings and share the love with a hurting and weary world. And if it’s been a while since you’ve felt the earthquake of God’s assurance, I pray you find Him today in that quiet, gentle whisper. 

*Bible Reference 1 Kings 19:11-12