The year Matt and I got married we were completely broke. We were just kids living off of savings, trying to figure out what our lives ought to look like. On our one year anniversary, we literally emptied our coin jar to determine the budget. We drug the mattress into the living room, rented a dollar movie from Redbox, and paid for our dinner out with a gift card Matt won at a Christmas staff party during his bus driving days.

Looking back, I hold those memories extra close. Times were simple. We didn’t have a lot in the way of disposable income, but what we did have was a hunger for life and a love for one another that could move mountains. I would gladly choose poverty by the world’s standards for the rest of my life if it meant being rich in the things that truly mattered. 

One day, perhaps a little sooner than I’d like, it will be just us again.

Mine and Matt’s dating life has morphed and evolved over the years to accommodate for late night gigs and newborn babies and new levels of exhaustion. In this present season, our budget—while larger than it’s ever been—is still on the lower side, paired with two little boys whose sleep schedule is erratic at best, forcing us to get creative with date nights. I think this is where a lot of couples do away with them all together, but I would argue that this season is perhaps the most critical for pursuing romance with your spouse. In a season that sometimes lasts for years with young kids, romance is typically the first to take a back seat. At best, many couples have achieved expert teammate status at passing the baton back and forth to ensure the house doesn’t cave in at any given point in time. And at worst, this is the point where a lot of people begin to lose interest in their partner, tabs start being kept, and resentment builds. If ever there was a time to fight for romance, that time is now. 

For us, it means setting aside a night every week to connect with each other after the boys go to bed. Sometimes we fix a tray and eat dinner in bed. We might pull out boggle or a deck of cards or end the evening with a movie. But we always do a couple of things. First, we show up with three questions apiece. These questions have run the gamut from completely outrageous to deeply spiritual and are usually some combination of the two. We take turns asking and answering, as our minds slowly unwind from the demands of the day and we are able to focus a little more intently on the eyes staring back at us. This time of connection and laughter is some of my most cherished and anticipated of the week. It is so incredibly simple but it has become my favorite date night tradition.

On more than several occasions, we’ve begun our evening on the steps of our back porch or intertwined in the hammock that hangs beneath a canopy of string lights. But most of the time our exhaustion leads us to the comfort of the bed in our pjs with something sweet in hand. Every so often, when my parents have offered to keep the boys, we’ll venture out into the town. I think my favorite will always be a date we stumbled upon our second year of marriage where we’d share a waffle cone and walk to the book store down the street. But I don’t know that I’ve ever been more grateful or dependent on intentional time together as I have in this season. 

We must always remind ourselves that we are so much more than teammates. We are partners and lovers and best friends. And before the thrill of two zealous-for-life boys blessed us in all the best ways, there was just us. And one day, perhaps a little sooner than I’d like, it will be just us again. And I don’t want to have to relearn how to be in love when that day comes.

If you would like to implement our questions into your home date night ritual, here are some of the one’s we’ve come up with: