Do The Can Can
“Well, I have a lotta years of fit throwing under my belt. Rarely works in my favor.”
-My friend, Jenny
Let’s be honest. We, as adults, still have a tendency to throw a fit. It could be over something simple: the dishes not being done, or something big: all the chocolate cake is GONE!! Ok, I’m kidding, mostly. My most recent fit, our little Butterfly is gone. She went to be with some family. Which is great for her, that’s where she should be. But my arms miss her. The house is too quiet, too clean, too big without that little girl. She changed a lot in the weeks and days leading up to her departure. She came out of that chrysalis, and it was amazing. We were finally able to see who SHE is. She isn’t a scared little girl anymore. She is BRAVE, and FUNNY, and ADVENTUROUS, and LOVING! She is all of that and so much more. It broke me. Here I was again, missing a little person that came to my home and became family. I kept saying, “I don’t know if I can do this again.”
I had a fit. I cried, I got mad, I sat and I mourned. Like Jenny said, it didn’t really work in my favor. Saying, “I can’t” doesn’t stop the pain. Saying, “I can’t” didn’t bring her back. Saying, “I can’t” doesn’t help any other little kids who need a soft landing place in a difficult time. She went with family. That’s as it should be. Thankfully, the family is AMAZING!! Really guys, she is where she belongs. I get lots of updates and pictures and you know what I see? I see her THRIVING! So, if she can pull it together, so CAN I. I CAN still see her, I CAN still hug her and know that she is so well taken care of. I CAN keep doing this. I CAN put myself aside, and know that there are other kids out there that need our family. They need a big loving Papa Bear, a slightly neurotic and helicopter mom, Mamma Bear, and they need two, over-the-top amazing Sissy Bears.
There are things in all of our lives that we say “I can’t” to. We let the hard moments rob us of the promise of something better if we just hang on and change the can’t to can. Throw a fit if you need to, sometimes it just makes you feel better. I think it’s important to know that it won’t really change anything, but hey, who am I to deny anyone a good fit throwing. It’s all about perspective. Jenny and I were talking and I was telling her how I could never be a wife to a military man, it’s too hard. I mentioned that I could never be a single mom to 4 growing boys, it’s too hard, and that I could never be a full time mom, wife and student and retain any form of sanity. And she said something that made me pause. Paraphrasing here, but she said I can’t do those things because I wasn’t meant to. BUT, I am meant to do this, be a foster mom.
I can't do those things because I wasn't meant to. But, I am meant to do this, be a foster mom.
Somethings are ok to say, “I can’t” to, because you were never meant to. BUT, (y'all know I love that almighty BUT), there is something that you CAN do that you have let get away from you. In my weak moments, I almost let the pain and hurt of losing the two wonderful babies we had this summer keep me from doing it again. How much would I miss? WHO would I miss helping if I just gave up? So, while I still miss my Butterfly and Little Man, I CAN keep doing this. What’s your something that you let “can’t” keep you from doing? How can this community of women encourage you to go at it again?
Amber