Holding On and Letting Go
“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go” Rumi
When seasons in our lives are changing, we find ourselves at a crossroad. Do I go left or right? Is one heavily trodden, and the other overgrown by little use? Is one an open field, the other a dark forest? Or, do they look exactly the same?
I have spent the whole of summer sitting at this crossroad. The only thing that kept resonating with me is this quote by Rumi, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” It felt more right than completely letting go, or completely hanging on.
You may laugh when you know my dilemma, or dilemmas.
My oldest daughter, Sophia, is going into High School, something I never really thought about until it hit me in the face like a battering ram.
Our Little Lion Man’s life is in limbo, held captive by the powers that be. I can neither move forward nor hang on to what we have.
Life is a tight rope, and we must learn to balance in either direction. For some of you, watching your child move on to the final stages of being under your winged care is very hard to swallow. Others may rejoice. For a few of you, you understand this life in limbo with foster kiddos of your own. Hanging on seems careless, letting go a little presumptuous. So we sit in the middle of the crossroads. We have one foot in the now, and a hand reaching blindly into the dark trying to feel for the lifeline that we hope is there to guide us as we move forward.
We feel the weight of our time to raise good, solid, loving and productive members of society slipping away. Which, let’s face it, is hard when we have to combat all the bad in society. But it’s our privilege to teach them how to navigate shark infested waters, and our time to do it ever disappearing. It feels heavy, but necessary. We have to take every opportunity to teach them before they take flight out of our nests and we have no choice but to let go.
Finding that sweet spot when fostering is never easy. We lay our hearts on the line and just keep praying it’s still there at the end. Self preservation keeps us from moving past the crossroads, from moving forward to the letting go path. I remind myself daily that he isn’t mine, as much as I want him to be, I am simply his caretaker for this time until something changes. I pray everyday that I get to that next step, because imagining life without him…….I’m still holding on, for dear life.
Obviously I’ve not mastered this balancing act. I imagine that you find it just as hard. I don’t ever want to make anyone feel like I’m being judgmental of their process, so pleased hear my heart. I would never tell anyone to run faster through the crossroads or hold on to the point of not living life fully. I believe everyone has their own journey to go, I just want you to find that balance of still living and still hoping and moving forward, at your own pace. Know that I am on the same journey, and when we meet at the crossroads, which we will, we can sit over coffee, or take some steps together. If you think about it, balancing is much easier when you have a wide base. Let’s be each others bases.
Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash
♥Amber