The Art of Self-Love
I recently had the discovery that I am kindest to myself when I am running. I guess it started back in Highschool cross-country, when my coach told me running is 90% mental. I recognize that only someone who naturally enjoys running would lend any credence to that theory. But I found breakthrough in those words as I overcame my own physical setbacks, hitting new personal records through sheer determination. When I’m kicking up gravel and blades of grass, digging out side stitches on mile three of a seven mile run in what feels like cement-filled shoes, it’s like my brain instinctively takes over the driver’s seat. “You’ve got this, Alyssa,” plays on repeat in my own head voice as I tick off the miles step for step. If only I could be my own biggest cheerleader when I’m off the track. I can only imagine that kind of grace-filled way of living.
I was told once that we should speak to ourselves like our own best friend. (Unless of course you are one of those friends whose love language comes out in fits of sarcasm and insults.) But lately, if you were to listen to my inner-voice on any average day, you would think I was talking to someone I had a major falling out with, words dripping with annoyance and shame.
Have you ever stopped to listen to your head voice? I think it took me as long as it did to discover mine was far from healthy because I wasn’t providing any oversight. We work tirelessly to put away thoughts that are critical of our peers, thoughts that are blatantly impure and objectively ugly. Yet we go on talking to ourselves like we are the scum of the earth. “I can’t believe you just did that, Alyssa. How could you be so stupid? You are a terrible mom. Why can’t you just get your crap together?” No wonder I keep doing that thing I promised I would stop doing—I’m stuck in a shame cycle with my own thoughts. I don’t need anyone else to tell me I’m doing a bad job, that’s what my own mind is for, right?
This is what I know—our relationship with the world will only ever be as healthy as our relationship with ourselves.
I think so much of what is broken in society begins with our blind disconnection between our own bodies and minds. We can’t seem to get motivated to get off the couch and get healthy so our minds blame our bodies for being so despicably lazy and useless. But our bodies are really just responding to cues we are sending them. Toxic thought life leads to a toxic body. A healthy thought life is the foundation for a healthy body.
When I lace up my sneakers and take off down the driveway, it may be my legs that are propelling my body forward, but it’s up to my mind to get me to the finish line. For me, going for runs reconnects something critical inside me. It’s like my body and brain are long lost friends that have suddenly made amends, all past grievances water under the bridge. Being kind to myself comes easy for me in these moments because I recognize how critical that internal relationship is in helping me reach my destination. But is it not just as true in everyday life? How can we expect to accomplish anything of purpose when our bodies are at a constant civil war within themselves? How can I expect to extend grace to my two boys when I can’t muster up an inch of it for my own shortcomings? How do I expect to make healthy lifestyle changes when my thoughts are aimed and ready to fire off criticism at every misstep?
This is what I know—our relationship with the world will only ever be as healthy as our relationship with ourselves. And it begins with acknowledging what our inner voice is saying. Today, I’m going to actively work towards a kinder inner voice. When I notice things start to become a little grim in my head, I will redirect my thoughts towards grace, kindness, and love. I will speak God’s truth over myself, even in moments when I struggle to believe its power. And I will practice the scary, wonderful art of loving myself through every step of this messy journey, because my life depends on it.
