Anxiety + Jesus (Here's What I Know)
One Valentines Day seven years ago, I laid in bed trembling uncontrollably. I was not experiencing any trauma or undergoing a major life event, and to be honest I couldn’t even pinpoint the anxious thoughts that may have led to this moment. On the outside, I was happily married, part of a community I loved, dreaming up the future. But on the inside, everything felt impossibly grim and heavy.
I’m bringing this up now because it feels timely given the state of the world. News reporters appear to be competing for the scariest headlines and politics have infiltrated every nook and cranny of our nation, leaving a wake of hatred and division. Depression and anxiety are undoubtedly on the rise right now and it’s no wonder why. But this blog isn’t about politics or my opinion on it all. It’s about taking back control of our mental health and fighting for the peace that Christ promised us 2,000 years ago. A peace that at times feels completely unreachable.
I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, anxiety sneaks up like a stray cat. It’s incessant and clingy and if you feed it, it never goes away. Unfortunately, this cat and I are far from strangers. But here is what I have learned about it over my seven year struggle.
It lies.
It almost always begins with a lie. Sometimes it’s so crafty, I won’t even pinpoint the lie until I’m too deep into a spiral to find my way out. But once I discovered that fact, it gave me my first (and arguably most important) weapon to fight back: Truth. Here’s the catch though, if you don’t know what Truth says, you will remain forever powerless against the lies. When anxiety tells us things are hopeless Truth reminds us that we have a hope that is “a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls,” and no matter how bad things get, Christ promises to get us through it.
It’s complex.
Mental health is not just mental. You aren’t crazy or weak for battling negative or toxic thought patterns. In fact, a dozen factors form together to make up our brain wiring. From genetics to diet and exercise to trauma, our brains are so much more beautifully complex than we could ever imagine. Switch on Your Brain author, Caroline Leaf talks about how our thoughts take up actual real estate inside our brains. Like forging a walkway down an unmarked path, the more we reinforce that thought pattern by “walking that path” the more it becomes a familiar or habitual landmark in our mind. Which explains why some toxic beliefs are SO hard to shake because they are literally carved into our brains.
BUT just as our thought life has the ability to cause some serious destruction, it also contains the power to heal and restore itself through making new pathways. We have literally been given the mind of Christ to “take captive every thought”. We are not resolved to our current way of thinking forever. In fact, Christ tells us to “be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” There IS hope and a light at the end of the tunnel if we will do the hard work of actively changing our thought life.
What we consume on a daily basis will begin to inform our beliefs whether intentionally or subconsciously.
What we consume matters.
I personally notice a marked regression in my mood after spending too much time scrolling through Instagram. Yet I continue to make justifications every time I pick up my phone. While we are not mere products of our anxiety, we do have a responsibility to care for our minds just like we would any other living, breathing thing. What we consume on a daily basis will begin to inform our beliefs whether intentionally or subconsciously. When we scroll through a hundred feeds of filtered photos in the name of staying connected, we are only fueling comparison and discontentment. When we watch the news religiously in the name of staying informed, we are reinforcing a pessimistic and fearful view of the world. Perhaps we need to be more intentional about what we allow in.
On that cold February holiday, I felt so utterly powerless in the attack against my mind and subsequently my body. My unchecked anxiety had manifested itself in unhealthy physiological ways. I had lost my appetite for food and for life and was grasping for air at every turn. I didn’t have the information then that I do now to fight back, but I knew I had to do something. So I began talking back to the lies. The more violent I shook, the louder my voice became. “Greater is He who lives in me than he who lives in this world.” I began to speak out every verse I knew (and since have committed many more to memory). Eventually the trembling stopped, the storm had passed, and I found my footing.
Here’s what I know of anxiety and Jesus: anxiety has a mean bite but Jesus gets the final say. And He has given us the power of His mind and every resource we need to walk out in our victory.
My only question to you is — what are you feeding that pesky cat?